I would say 90% of my negative human interactions come at the airport. Specifically with TSA agents. I mean, honestly it feels like they have it out for me. Now, I know they don’t have it out for me, and I’m giggling a little bit as I write this, but it really got me thinking.
First thought was, why in the world are these guys such assholes??
Second thought was, why am I letting them bother me??
As you start to unravel this, you can replace the TSA agents with anyone that seems like they are threatening you…..or any situation or event that may seem like it’s threatening the system.
My questions were arranged in the wrong order. The first question should be “why am I letting them bother me?” I only feel bothered by their attitudes because my system isn’t regulated. If my system felt safe, their attitudes good or bad, would have absolutely no impact on me.
The question then becomes, why do I feel unsafe or unregulated? It could be a million reasons but since the common denominator here is TSA agents, perhaps I have problems with anticipation of travel, scheduling or airports. If there were no common denominator then maybe I didn’t get a good enough workout this morning, had too much to eat last night, or felt uncomfortable in my body with some sore muscles. The fact that TSA agents appear to trigger me, I’m thinking the latter, I have some issues with travel. For me, places like grocery stores, stadiums, airports are tough. Too much sensory input immediately throws me into a sympathetic defensive state. When in that state, anyone that shows the slightest bit of aggression is a threat to me.
If I were at the grocery store and the cashier was mildly aggressive about how I laid my groceries on the belt or how it was taking me some extra time to work the credit card machine, I would feel the same way I do when engaging with the TSA.
So, the good news is, after today, I know that my system is going to be on alert going into the airport. Using additional self-regulating techniques, like Be Activated, breath work, sensory headphones, sunglasses, should help. I’ll have to test and see.
The next thing I need is to empathize a bit with the TSA. I have no clue what their job entails, but I’m going to assume they need to be on high alert in attempts to identify potentially dangerous passengers. They probably also are under extreme pressures from their bosses or even, some of them may have the same sensory stimulation effects from being in the airport. For an agent to act in ways that make others feel threatened means that they 100% feel threatened too. So, we have a co-dysregulating situation going on.
I’m writing this at the Houston, George Bush airport today. I’m sitting at my gate and thinking… Anyone that has ever been an unprovoked asshole to me was simply a situation of their system being unregulated. If my system was strong, safe and regulated, it wouldn’t have bothered me, yet if my system was not regulated, I would feel threatened by them.
So what am I going to do? First, continue to work on myself, establish safety within my system and build more resilience for these types of situations. Second, come prepared, the over stimulating effects of an airport are real. Headphones, sunglasses, comfortable clothes and some breath work before will make a major difference. Then, if for some reason I still don’t have the capacity to remain regulated, I need to understand that I’m not the only one that feels threatened and the others are not regulated either.
Telling someone that they’re being an asshole doesn’t stop them from being an asshole. Holding someone accountable or punishing for being an asshole also doesn’t change them from being an asshole. BUT, helping someone identify that they might be unregulated and how to support their body into a state of safety and regulation creates an opportunity for someone to know that change for the better is possible. It takes a person that is regulated in order to show someone this.
