Life is a culmination of experiences. If you’re reading this, no matter how bad any of those experiences were, you are still alive…you survived. Some of those experiences may have been deeply traumatizing but I would say for myself that 99% of all of the negative experiences in my life were not nearly as bad either as I had anticipated or if the event was a surprise, looking back, there were even some positive results that came from the event.
I recently heard a podcast the other day where a financial advisor said, even if his clients lose a boatload of money investing in a company that tanks, it’s still impossible to tell if that was a wrong decision or even a negative event. The event ultimately shapes your future decisions and has the potential to positively affect outcomes in the future.
With this type of perspective you can empower yourself to build resilience with every life situation. You don’t have to run ultra marathons, climb mount Everest or freeze in a cold tub every day to work on resilience. As situations arise that raise your stress levels or put you in a position of discomfort, use that opportunity to attempt to relax your inner state. The idea of resilience is being in complete control of your inner sensations, emotions and physiology under stress.
As I write this I’m sitting in a hotel room. Away from my family as my son is getting ready for a seemingly routine procedure. My breathing is compromised, my heart rate is elevated and my mind is racing like a dog on a track. Fear for his well-being, fear for my wife who is having to take him in alone. Really being and feeling completely helpless and not an ounce of control.
So what can I do? This is an opportunity to develop resilience. Identifying a situation of stress and discomfort means I currently lack the capacity for this type of situation. I activate my diaphragm and do some deep belly breathing. This signals my brain and tells it, “dude, it’s ok, you’re not under attack, you are safe.” Does this feeling of safety hold? Fuck no. I go back and forth, worried, fearful, then calm and relaxed. When worry, fear and doubt come up, I am aware and I breathe. Breathing is your access point to the autonomic nervous system. It’s an automatically operated system that you can “hack into” and communicate with your body.
Whatever triggers worry, fear or doubt in you ahead or during a situation…whatever triggers panic, use it as an opportunity to build resilience. Life’s situation has all been a training ground for you and you have survived. Now is the time to experience those scenarios and remain in control. Odds are in your favor that you will survive and even more, you increase your odds of a positive outcome if you can remain in control the entire time. Every scenario is a gift, are you going to use it to grow or will it weigh you down moving forward?
